Allo-Bonjour!

Not my story, but amusing anyway. I found it hysterical, but I'm a jerk like that.

My friend worked for a bilingual company this summer (I'm in Canada). All employees were required to greet all patrons in both official languages and then use whichever one the person responded with. A lot of people, especially since we're so close to Quebec, are VERY touchy about which language you use with them.

Here's how the conversation was supposed to work:

Friend: Hello Bonjour
Patron: Hello!
Friend: *speaks English*

OR

Friend: Hello Bonjour
Patron: Bonjour!
Friend: *speaks French*

Here is what USUALLY happened:

Friend: Hello Bonjour
Patron: Hello Bonjour! :D
Friend: ...*starts speaking in English*
Patron: OMFG WTF I SPEAK FRENCH YOU HORRIBLE PERSON AHARHGSFS DIRTY COLONISTS

OR

Friend: Hello Bonjour
Patron: Hello Bonjour! :D
Friend: ...*starts speaking in French*
Patron: ....I don't actually speak French. THEY ARE MORE ENGLISH ABLAHBLAH CULTURAL ASSIMILATION

OR

Friend: Hello Bonjour!
Patron: Hello Bonjour!
Friend: *speaks English*
Patron: .....?
Friend: *speaks French*
Patron: ......*speaks Chinese* :D
Friend: Awww :(
Patron: Y U NO SPEAK CHINESE?!

I always greet her with 'Hello Bonjour' now

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55 comments — :

( 55 comments — Leave a comment )

ohbusiness

2007-01-25 06:26 am (UTC) (Link)

i kind of love hello bonjour. maybe i will start using it now too :)

zorbgoink

2007-01-25 06:33 am (UTC) (Link)

Haha me too.
But you have to say it 'AlloBonjour?' to have the full effect

aronstale

2007-01-25 06:40 am (UTC) (Link)

So, this is really random, but I'm listening to "Dogs Were Barking" by Gogol Bordello, which is a curious Gypsy Punk band, and the acordian gypsy beat goes exactly with your icon.

licktard

2007-01-25 09:15 am (UTC) (Link)

Awesome band.

(no subject) -

siani, 2007-01-25 05:57 pm (UTC)(Expand)

wickedripeplum

2007-01-25 06:48 am (UTC) (Link)

One of things I most miss about Montreal retail is how everyone would say bonjourhi like it was one word. It never failed to make me smile.

Then of course they'd launch into French I'd feel so bad about my unbelievably sketchy French that I'd avoid talking to retail people at any cost.

skeptic320

2007-01-25 07:16 am (UTC) (Link)

Standard conversation for me when I was visiting Montreal:
"Excusez-moi, ou se trouve la toilette, s'il vous plait?" (Anglo accent very much in evidence despite French immersion since kindergarten.)
"It's over there."
*thinking, "Okay, we'll speak English, then"* "Thanks."
"Pas de probleme."

setauuta, 2007-01-25 07:24 am (UTC)(Expand)

stah_chica, 2007-01-25 02:50 pm (UTC)(Expand)

lisbonlovesjacq, 2007-01-25 03:48 pm (UTC)(Expand)

setauuta, 2007-01-25 04:04 pm (UTC)(Expand)

springandsummer, 2007-01-25 04:45 pm (UTC)(Expand)

angelictears, 2007-01-25 05:34 pm (UTC)(Expand)

swiftgold, 2007-01-25 10:16 pm (UTC)(Expand)

someidiot, 2007-01-25 11:00 pm (UTC)(Expand)

nya47, 2007-01-26 02:07 am (UTC)(Expand)

snorkmaiden, 2007-01-26 03:12 am (UTC)(Expand)

caffeinatedguy, 2007-01-25 05:53 pm (UTC)(Expand)

lindi_of_rohan

2007-01-25 07:36 am (UTC) (Link)

Haha, I was actually in Montreal a couple years ago and I always found it curious that everyone said "bonjour, hi" when they greeted me. I didn't know it was required.

That could definitely be confusing and/or irritating, though.

twetwe123

2007-01-25 08:06 am (UTC) (Link)

I have this song going through my head now. (NSFW for animated swinging penis. You know you want to see it now)

caligogreywings

2007-01-25 08:24 am (UTC) (Link)

That is EXACTLY what I thought of too.

bloophoenix, 2007-01-25 05:53 pm (UTC)(Expand)

powerof3

2007-01-25 10:26 am (UTC) (Link)

You know, I think the "Y U NO SPEAK CHINESE" made me laugh more than it should have. Thank you for totally making me smile. :)

alexandria2000

2007-01-25 12:42 pm (UTC) (Link)

This whole thing made me laugh more than I should have :)

And I will totally go around muttering "Hello Bonjour" all day today.
If I do it on the phone at work, I'm so blaming the OP. :P

seiberwing, 2007-01-25 04:08 pm (UTC)(Expand)

whormonalisa

2007-01-25 12:38 pm (UTC) (Link)

That's the one thing I dislike about Quebec. People are so touchy about what language you use around them! I waited in line at a coffee shop, bantering with a friend in English, and when it was my turn to order I was ignored by all the baristas.

...I was going to order in French too. :(

brownkitty

2007-01-25 12:53 pm (UTC) (Link)

I'm a geek.

"So long, farewell, auf wiedersein, adieu..."

spotted_grrrl

2007-01-25 01:01 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh god no...*hates that commercial!*

brownkitty, 2007-01-25 01:03 pm (UTC)(Expand)

spotted_grrrl, 2007-01-25 01:19 pm (UTC)(Expand)

brownkitty, 2007-01-25 01:23 pm (UTC)(Expand)

zendequervain, 2007-01-25 03:30 pm (UTC)(Expand)

_strikes_again_, 2007-01-26 04:35 am (UTC)(Expand)

pip3r, 2007-01-26 03:33 am (UTC)(Expand)

dominiedirtch

2007-01-25 01:15 pm (UTC) (Link)

What? How dare you assume someone speaks one of two languages most commonly used in an area? How dare you assume someone speaks any language at all? Everyone knows the only politically correct way to great someone is with a globally understood grunt..

_bird_man_

2007-01-25 03:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

I feel it's awfully presumptuous to assume the customer wants to be acknowledged at all.

lisbonlovesjacq, 2007-01-25 03:50 pm (UTC)(Expand)

haloless17

2007-01-25 01:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

whereabouts in canada was this? i mean i know ya said its close to quebec, but can ya give me a more specific area? :)

drowsyfantasy

2007-01-25 02:13 pm (UTC) (Link)

Hahah, oh God yes, I remember working for the Feds as a temp in Ottawa last summer. AlloBonjour whenever I picked up the goddamn phone. My friends teased me when I'd pick up my cell like that!

chai_latte

2007-01-25 02:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

I used to work in Ottawa during summer break at one of the museums, so I know exactly how you felt. We had a lot of American visitors that year, however, so often the conversation would go like this:
Me: Hello bonjour
Them: uhhhhhh...
Me: Hello bonjour?
Them: WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND FRENCH CAN'T YOU SEE WE'RE AMERICAN STOP SPEAKING FRENCH TO US
Me: .....sorry?
It was great fun :) (of course not all Americans were like that)

lots42

2007-01-26 07:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh yeah, I remember now that when I traveled to Canada, they gave us all American flags to wear, on one of the blue stripes it said in French 'We are Americans, please throw eggs at us'.

janetmiles

2007-01-25 02:56 pm (UTC) (Link)

Oh, dear. I fear that were I the customer, I would have been call four (but with the addition of a panicked expression and a horrid USAian accent). But now I know to expect that, and if I ever have occasion and opportunity to travel to Quebec, I will also know to memorize the phrase, "I'm very sorry; I don't speak French. Do you speak English?"

iatros

2007-01-27 03:53 am (UTC) (Link)

"Je suis très désole, mais je ne parle pas français. Parlez-vous anglais?" :)

psychotwinkie

2007-01-25 03:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

icon love :D

and if something like that ever happened to me...with out any thought the words would slip out "gomen nasi"

I am far too used to chatting nonchalantly with my sister in a combination of English, German, Spanish and Japanese. Granted i only know catch phrases in German, Spanish and Japanese, i just use those phrases in liu of English far too much in my own home that going out into public it comes out with out thought.

I've been known to spit it out when appoligizing to customers XD Definatly gets me some odd looks :P

Its also fun to confuse people when out shopping...:P "Meine Schwester! Matte!" German and Japanese there. I dont call my sister by her real name mostly. Meine Schwester became her pet name.

/end rambling

I have a friend who is a Montreal citizen...

whiteladyeowyn

2007-01-25 11:24 pm (UTC) (Link)

... and he answers the phone "Oui Hello?"

I find myself wanting to do it sometimes.

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