skeptic320 skeptic320 wrote in customers_suck
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It's the parade of silly questions!
WTF-iness, ahoy!

* "Would you like a tray?" "Oh yes, do you have one?"
No, I just offered you one so I could point and laugh and say, "Sucker! No tray for you!" when you said yes.

* "Do I need coffee to make espresso?" "Yes." "You're sure?" "Quite sure." "But what if I don't drink coffee?"
Then espresso is probably not for you.

* "Tea is a plant, right?" "Yes." "What about herbal tea, is that a plant too?"
I suppose yak butter tea isn't, but we don't sell that.

* "Do you have any coffee that isn't brown?"
May I suggest a nice cup of green tea?

* "What are these things in my London fog?" "They're tea bags." "Can I take them out?" "If you like. The drink will taste stronger the longer you leave them in." "So why were they in there in the first place?"
...I actually have no comment on this. It simply defies commentary.

* "Why is all your chai spicy?" "Because chai is spiced black tea." "Do you have any without cinnamon or ginger or cloves or anything?"
You mean...plain black tea?


2011-01-29 05:36 am (UTC) (Link)

...We... Had a lot of this at my Bux over the last few days.


I've been meaning to post in Baristas about it, but an example:

My SM is on DT, and he's taking a car's order. After a five minute torture session in getting the young woman at the speaker to order her drink, he attempted to upsell a pastry:

"And would you like a slice of our Cinnamon Swirl Coffee Cake to go with that today?"

"Ew. Nonononono, but, uh, could I, like, get a piece of that cinnamon swirly coffee cake?"

Annnnnnnnnd we all lost our minds laughing.

Last few days have been THAT, in some form or another.


2011-01-29 04:26 pm (UTC) (Link)



2011-02-04 01:32 am (UTC) (Link)

In my last month at the theater I got SO much of that.

"I'd like a small Coke, please."
"All right, and would you like any popcorn with that?"
"Okay, so your total is—"
"I'd also like a small buttered popcorn."

Over and over and over again. It hurt my in the hurting place.


2011-01-29 05:36 am (UTC) (Link)

um, i have no idea what to say to the do you have any coffee that isn't brown one. maybe they wanted coffee made from green beans?(the thought of that turns my stomach) or a latte? gah. the stupid, it burns.

all of those are have to wonder how they feed themselves.


2011-01-29 06:48 am (UTC) (Link)

Have you ever had white coffee? White coffee is delicious.

I'm not talking about dark roasted beans, brewed, with milk. The very lightly roasted beans make awesome drinks.

I'm not sure that's how I would ask for white coffee, which I can find in Washington State, but not in Ohio, but I suppose I might if I were having a bad brain day.


2011-01-29 07:14 am (UTC) (Link)

oh, i forgot about white coffee! d'oh! something tells me that this person has not known the joys of it, sadly.


2011-01-29 07:57 am (UTC) (Link)

I'm curious; what is white coffee? (I don't drink coffee, so I'm unfamiliar with a lot of the terms.)


2011-01-31 02:23 am (UTC) (Link)

I think white coffee is just coffee with milk.


2011-01-29 05:37 am (UTC) (Link)

To be *slightly* fair to the last question I have been in many coffee shops where the Chai is sweetened to all hell or it's actually some kind of Vanilla Chai and they just don't advertise that.

But yeah, you should have a clue about stuff before ordering or you should ask


2011-01-29 06:01 am (UTC) (Link)

Well, with that one it was a retail question - she wanted to buy tea leaves and said, basically, I like your chai but do you have any without spices? My coworker sold her a quarter pound of Assam.


2011-01-29 06:21 am (UTC) (Link)

I could be wrong, but I think the word "chai" just means "tea," and "masala chai" is spiced tea, although in the US chai is usually spiced tea.

So that one is maybe not entirely stupid.


2011-01-29 06:33 am (UTC) (Link)

You're not wrong.


2011-01-29 07:47 am (UTC) (Link)

You're correct. I cringe every time I see, "chai tea." Really? You sell "tea tea"?


2011-01-30 07:34 pm (UTC) (Link)

Like fennec foxes are fox foxes!


2011-01-31 11:00 pm (UTC) (Link)

Yes, and I pay for it with cash I get from the ATM machine (assuming I can remember my PIN number).


2011-01-29 08:51 am (UTC) (Link)

That's true. But "chai" is pretty much becoming synonymous with "masala chai" in the western world as far as I can tell.


2011-01-29 03:54 pm (UTC) (Link)

As I acknowledged.


2011-01-29 03:44 pm (UTC) (Link)

Mmmm Assam. Delicious. Not sure how long a 1/4 pound of Assam would last me.


2011-01-29 07:25 pm (UTC) (Link)

Until I saw this comment, I was wondering if she wanted a cup of unspiced tea brewed in the Indian chai way: black tea leaves, milk, and water simmered together.


2011-01-30 04:23 am (UTC) (Link)

Now that sounds delicious and I might have to do that.

(I am no fan of American "chai" - something about it always seems a bit off)


2011-01-30 07:52 pm (UTC) (Link)

A lot of places use a pre-sweetened mix. I like sugar in my chai, but not that much of it. (There's a company called something like "Oregon Chai" that sells this stuff all over.)


2011-01-31 12:36 am (UTC) (Link)

Tazo also sells a pre-sweetened Chai concentrate. Oregon Chai is pretty tasty I must admit.


2011-02-01 03:20 am (UTC) (Link)

Yes, I've noticed that the shops that use the Tazo chai mix all taste really off to me. But then, my first experiences with chai involved my friend Swathi brewing it with fresh tea leaves in milk on the stove, so I suppose I'm spoilt.


2011-01-29 05:50 am (UTC) (Link)

mmmmm chai tea


2011-01-30 12:08 am (UTC) (Link)

GAH! No, it's chai! [/pet peeve]


2011-01-29 06:13 am (UTC) (Link)

Yak butter tea is still made from plants... it's black tea with butter in it...


2011-01-29 08:41 am (UTC) (Link)

I did not know that, but it makes a lot more sense now. I seriously wondered by whose definition butter in hot water was "tea". The more you know!


2011-01-29 08:52 am (UTC) (Link)

Oh my, so there is such a thing?!


2011-01-29 09:23 am (UTC) (Link)

Yep--it's Tibetan, and very popular there. Quite tasty, so I'm told.


2011-01-29 08:39 pm (UTC) (Link)

There's a Nepalese restaurant near here that sells butter tea. It is SO SALTY as to be nigh-undrinkable.

I thought maybe I just wasn't in a receptive state of mind the first time I drank it, so I waited until I had a massive salt craving (happens predictably for me). It was still awful.

I can see how it makes sense at high altitudes, especially if your diet doesn't usually include a lot of salt or fat. I suspect it's only tasty in the same way that Gatorade is really tasty right after a run on a hot day, ie, when it's exactly what your body needs.


2011-01-29 11:53 am (UTC) (Link)
Technically I believe it should be "nak butter" - in the original Tibetan, yaks are the males and naks are the females of the same species.


2011-01-29 06:29 am (UTC) (Link)

Oh god, I love all the random questions that people ask and you're just like... "What the hell goes through your mind before you ask these questions...?"


2011-01-29 01:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

Completely OT and random but I fucking love your icon. I can't stop staring at it!


2011-01-29 07:49 am (UTC) (Link)

You have been enshrined in TV Tropes for all eternity (or until the internet falls down and can't get up, whichever comes first). Scroll down to the Web Original section to see the link to this post.


2011-01-29 03:02 pm (UTC) (Link)

Damn you! I totally had shit to do! Oh well. *runs off to tvtropes*


2011-01-29 08:16 am (UTC) (Link)

"Are your mochas made with calcium?"

It's been three days since I got asked that question and it still has my head spinning. Bonus points to her husband for taking forever to decide if he wanted the whipped cream on his drink because it contains calcium.


2011-01-29 02:11 pm (UTC) (Link)

I guess maybe if he was having problems with kidney stones, and the doctor told him he needed to reduce his calcium intake, it would explain why he's concerned? That's the only reason I can think of for someone to simultaneously want to avoid calcium and yet not know which products contain dairy and which don't.

Although I'm not sure that the caffeine in a mocha would be good for him either, in that case.


2011-01-29 05:56 pm (UTC) (Link)

When she first asked I offered "...yes, our mochas are traditionally made with milk." and she nodded sadly. She decided on a soy mocha but with lots of whipped cream. She seemed to think that calcium is another word for milk so I have no idea.


2011-01-29 09:39 am (UTC) (Link)

That second one made me giggle, and think of Sheldon from "The Big Bang Theory," talking about why he can't sleep: "It's been two weeks since I took that accidental sip of Red Bull."


2011-01-30 05:08 am (UTC) (Link)



2011-01-29 11:33 am (UTC) (Link)

I get that all the time with bags.

Sometimes their eyeballs are pointed at the bags.



2011-01-29 04:22 pm (UTC) (Link)

I once worked in a Kosher Bagel shop

Customer: (Clearly new to the world of Bagels) I want a Lox and cream cheese bagel

Me: What kind of bagel?

C: Ummm...round?

(Cue ten minutes of explaining EVERY kind we carried)

Me: *Getting the Lox only to hear a horrified gasp behind me*

C: Lox is FISH? Do you have any that isn't made from fish?

Me: *young and PMSing like hell* Oh this one isn't made from fish at all.

C: Oh good, I'll take a bit extra please.



2011-01-29 09:27 pm (UTC) (Link)

The customer's mind-blowing ignorance aside... you gave fish to someone who clearly didn't want it?


2011-01-29 10:45 pm (UTC) (Link)

Seriously, lol.


2011-01-30 07:26 pm (UTC) (Link)

Uhh. Giving fish to someone who made it clear they didn't want fish is kind of a dick move. :(


2011-01-31 01:39 am (UTC) (Link)

omg I get SO MUCH of the first one. most often it's, "yeah, if you have one". so weird.


2011-01-31 03:37 pm (UTC) (Link)

Here's one for you. Guy orders a vanilla sundae. I ring him up for a plain sundae. He's in drive-thru, so his order is showing up on our handy-dandy screen of order confirming.

He asks, "Can I get that sundae without caramel?"


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