Dear Purchaser of [Company]'s 'Fine' Product,
For the love of all things holy, please do not ever again answer your phone while masturbating. If you must answer it, then stop what you're doing first. That is beyond creepy.
How do you know it wasn't your mother calling you?
No way am I telling you that we were giving you a refund due to the fact that the parts for your item are still in China. While I told you I had the wrong number, I was actually lying to you. Next time, you call me. Fully clothed, with both hands on the phone.
Yours in Disgust,
The Warranty Phone Monkey who now needs to scrub her ears with bleach.
- (no subject)